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September 02, 2005
"Mr. Grossman, how long have you known that blipverts cause viewers to explode?"
Hello all, your humble narrator here with another toilet-oriented missive. Namely, Thermal-Sensor Toilet + Ass Gasket = Frustration.
What I mean is this:
Consider your average toilet employing a thermal sensor to activate the flushing function. Now, consider the paper gaskets which the prudent commode clientele employ to form a barrier between one's posterior cheeks and that porcelain of questionable sanitary conditions.
You've got to bend down to place the gasket, right? Take note - you're within close proximity of the thermal sensor. You situate the gasket accordingly with the front flap hanging down like a tongue in the bowl water. Now perhaps you revert to a standing position and pivot clockwise - or perhaps counter-clockwise - while loosening your lower-half garments.
What's that? The sensor notices a marked decrease in heat! Thinking you're actually done with your business the toilet flushes itself. But no! The tongue of the gasket gets caught in the whirlpool, stripping the gasket from the seat and robbing you of what little shield you had against the sweat, grime and other elements (best left un-pondered) left by the previous client.
Stymied, you're left with no recourse but to go through the process again. Perhaps this time you de-tongue the gasket in case the toilet, in a fit of confusion and anxiety, again triggers prematurely.
Perhaps it does flush prematurely. But this time you're brandishing a wicked grin, congratulating yourself on your ingenuity as the water gurgles harmlessly to its ultimate destination - this time without your precious gasket.
In any case, once you've completed that for which you've traveled to this sacred of solitary places, you're stuck with an ass gasket bereft of it's tongue. Do you let it lie there, used and wilted like some desperate abandoned thing? Or do you kick it into the bowl with one foot? Perhaps you use a tissue to push it into the bowl?
The choice is yours.
Posted by Voards at September 2, 2005 02:09 PM